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Sexy mama!

Love at the DD drive thru

I found my mojo at the DD drive thru

I am one hot mama! Well, at least that’s what I thought this afternoon as I cruised through the Dunkin’ Donuts drive thru in my sleek, sexy, soccer-mom SUV.

The boy at the window didn’t take his eyes off me. It was flattering to the point of embarrassment. “Wow,” I mused to myself. “I’ve still got it.” Even with my faintly etched crow’s feet, sun-worn skin and all too noticeable forehead crinkles, this handsome young man was totally into me.

He stalled a bit before handing over my fat-free latte and vege flatbread sandwich. I was amused by his all too obvious attempt to delay my departure and giggled girlishly to his delight. Then he leaned out the window in a fetching pose, vaguely resembling a J.Crew catalogue model. I was breathless.

He languishingly passed me my receipt and held his hand over mine for several seductive moments as he gently released a few tarnished coins into my slightly dampened palm. “Oh, and by the way,” he nearly crooned, “There’s a website listed on the bottom of your receipt. If you wouldn’t mind, you can check it out and take a survey about your service today. We’re having a little employee contest.” His smile widened as he stared wantonly into my eyes.

I was stunned silent as the realization obliterated my cheshire-like grin. Wait a minute. You mean…this was…how dare he! My heart sunk to the bottom of my feet. His attraction, his attention, it was all…a ruse, a scam, a con to get me to fill out a survey on his behalf. What kind of competitive, sociopathic child would play on a middle-aged mother’s insecurities this way. I suddenly felt like Mrs. Robinson as she stood naked before her graduate or Amanda Wingfield in the presence of that charming gentleman caller. Dammit. I was old and foolish, and now I had to deal with the painful reality of both of those realizations.

I thought about doing him his requested favor and filling out that on-line survey. Oh boy, would I ever let him have it. I could expose his underhanded trickery, the way he cunningly preyed upon the weaknesses of women’s aging psyches. But then I flashed back to all of the speeding tickets I’d flirted my way out of as a young woman, and the dozens of extra bagels I’d been gifted by smitten elderly deli-men who’d been weakened by my come-hither head tilt and coquettish smile. What goes around comes around, I guess.

Still, it’s hard to come to terms with the whole aging identity thing. Deep down, no matter how old we get, we still want to feel young, vibrant and attractive. It’s easy to forget that when we’re running to and from school, work, and three grocery stores a day.

I’m not talking about being vain or superficial. But a lot of us women tend to disown or discredit that part of ourselves that longs for physical admiration.

The point here is this: It’s okay to enjoy feeling sexy. It’s even okay to remind your husband, lover or partner that you need a dose of positive reinforcement every now and then. It’s even okay to flirt with a kid who’s half your age at the drive thru, provided you realize that his provocative stare and alluring smile are probably more linked to his desire for a good tip or a rave survey review.

Lots to ponder as I blow out way too many candles on this, my 40th something birthdate.


About gettrich

Debra Rich Gettleman is a professional actor, playwright and journalist living in Seattle, WA with her husband Mark and two amazing boys, Levi and Eli.

100 responses to “Sexy mama!

  1. pajamadays ⋅

    Thank you for saying what all of us soccer moms are feeling! I’m not sure how I ended up in this almost 40 year old body either – but believe me, I savor any lingering smile bestowed on me by my collegiate food server even though I know all to well that a good tip is the true motivator.

  2. poisedpen ⋅

    A tip for the under-40 set in the land of Dunkin’ Donuts, Starbucks and McDonald’s: If you want the best tip, call us “Miss” rather than “Ma’am”–especially before we’ve had our fix. Consider yourself warned (smile)…

  3. trouble13 ⋅

    🙂 I have been a victim of the false-promise of youthful flirtation. You go from ‘top-of-your-game’ to ‘totally lame’ in the matter of a nano-second. It stinks!

  4. Lulu ⋅

    It’s just nice to read this post. I am still feeling young, and I think I know what you feel.
    I like reading this

  5. Raul ⋅

    I think the most important thing to ask is…”How were the donuts?” I mean seriously, because one sounds really good right now… 🙂

  6. AB

    I get this all the time at Taco Bell. I think the men are in love with me, but they’re just buttering me up to get that survey filled out online. I’ve stopped wearing false eyelashes when I go there now.

  7. Great post. Sometimes the truth is difficult… funny but difficult. Thanks for sharing what the rest of us haven’t had the guts to …yet…

  8. olderguy ⋅

    As an over 40 father I too have come to the realization that I have passed the invisibility tipping point. That point in time where you simply no longer “register” on the radar of younger members of the opposite sex. I used to register, then it was register and get quickly dismissed, now I am not even a blip on the radar. Oh well. Guess I can put on the dark socks and sandals now.

  9. I couldn’t agree more. It is okay to feel sexy! And long past 40.

    Happy birthday!

  10. atxjoe512

    I really enjoyed this post. You’re a great writer. I’m not a 40 year old woman but a 22 year old young man so I can’t pretend to understand! But my mom, now in her early fifties, went through a bit of a this during her “mother period” and it was, to say the least, hellish.

  11. daveforex


    Nice article. I was fascinated by the entire storyline. I must confess I love your style (writing-wise).

    I used to think aging was a thing of the mind, but this wonderful write-up kinda reinforces my viewpoint (it doesn’t stop at the realm of thoughts, it escalates if you allow it to).

    About the young man’s actions, I’m a guy, and methinks the guy didn’t do all that for the survey alone (he probably wanted more), but I’ve got no proofs.

    Nowadays, grown ladies need to behave like sweet-sixteens every now and then, it sure will help keep their husband for so long. Trust me on this one.

    All in all, that was a lovely writeup.

  12. Amen to that! Whatever the reason, if I got a compliment like that with my latte it would be worth the $3 every time.

  13. goldenpast ⋅

    The point here is this: It’s okay to enjoy feeling sexy. It’s even okay to remind your husband, lover or partner that you need a dose of positive reinforcement every now and then.


    I am not 40, just 18. But this article is such an awesome write!

  14. Love this! Why is it that whenever I go to Dunkin Donuts, I get incorrect change thrown back at me from a 60-something year-old Indian man with a thick accent? You must have all the luck 🙂

    Great blog!
    Keep it up!
    Feel free to check out my blog as well 🙂


  15. So interesting. I was so excited for you at first! I have to say your use of imagery is outstanding.

  16. “What goes around comes around, I guess.” You won me with that.

  17. I enjoyed your last writing also. You’ve made a fine point.

  18. I loved this post, thank you!

  19. What a great story! Thanks for the smile 🙂

  20. I love your writing… you had me wrapped in your emotion 🙂 keep on struttin!

  21. Noah ⋅

    You may enjoy a book called “Captivating” by John and Stasi Eldredge. It’s about how God designed women as beautiful, and it should be shown and enjoyed. It points to the feelings you described as evidence, as well as the ways that little girls play.

    There is another book, “Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge, that describes boys, too – just so you know both sides were covered 🙂

  22. i dont think i can go to dunkin donuts and not get a donut. wonderful post!

  23. Man… it is always disapointing to read a great post like this from a blogger that really knows how to write. I read every dag on word with anticipation for the next.

    I also am very impressed with how you snuck Dunkin Donuts in there so seamlessly i actually did not even notice untill i started commenting.

    The real reason why I am commenting was to reassure you that you may still have that “it” At least the hottie in the Avatar/Profile Picture does.

    Thanks for doing what you do,

    – Young Finance Guy
    (age 25)

  24. munkiebum

    totally know what you are saying here. I am 37, feel 27, look 47. None of it computes anymore. Thanks for the heads up.

  25. ldmartin1959 ⋅

    Maybe the survey was the excuse he used. And even if it wasn’t he still could have been checking you out.

  26. Loved your story, as I too enjoy that reminder that it is ok to feel sexy even though I am …..nearly 50!

    Thanks for a good laugh today.

  27. Haberler ⋅

    I really enjoyed this post. You’re a great writer.

  28. Great post–I didn’t see the employee survey coming!

  29. poisedpen ⋅

    Hello again from a fellow RAK blogger who is so gosh darn proud to know ya! After reading your fan mail, I think it’s time to turn your “Unmotherly Insights” into a book. Anyone else agree? –Lynn, RAK “Stage Mom”

  30. The Swift Papers ⋅

    That’s an interesting read and a half, from your photo you look like 29 years old.

  31. Jenny

    I loved this post!! These are all things I’ve been thinking about in the past year or so. After years of being a mom, I thought I didn’t care about it anymore, but turns out I do and it feels really good to be noticed, even if there is an ulterior motive. Donny at Starbucks calls me by my first name (cuz its on my gold Starbucks card, which I’m also a little too proud of) when I pull into the drive-thru and has my order on the screen before I can tell him and every single time it makes me feel special!! He’s much younger and adorable too!!

  32. Well who would really want some young stud anyway? If you were both single and willing, you’d have to teach him things, as I’m certain he wouldn’t be all that, uh, skilled in certain areas, if you catch my drift.

    With age comes wisdom (yes, and wrinkles and extra padding for some of us) and to me, that’s the sexiest thing, so here’s to you-a wise and hip woman- on your 40-something birthday!

  33. tightknot

    Although I’m inching toward 30, I can still relate to you. I used to stop traffic (no joke) and have guys going bananas for me. I had my most recent realization that I ain’t as sexy anymore just a few weeks back. I was with my kids at the airport and feeling quite frazzled and flustered. I really could have used an extra hand or two. I was looking down to grab something and all of sudden all these feet come towards me. I look up and it was one of those slow motion moments where all these gorgeous college-aged men wearing dark blue polos and kaki shorts were heading towards me. They looked like a herd of angels with their beautiful faces and physiques and perfect teeth. I was in awe and quite possibly even drooling a bit. I thought I was rescued and they’d help me with my bags and what not. Time seemed to have frozen. There must have been about 20 of them and believe it or not….not even one of them looked at me as they walked past me. I don’t even think they saw me standing there. I finally woke up after my daughter tugged on my shirt and said “Mommy let’s go already.” Forget stopping traffic…I’ve become invisible.

  34. Kasi

    I love it. I love it. I love it.
    I am only 26, but I’ve got two kids and feel 50 some days. I LOVED this post, it totally made my day!!!

  35. marikit

    Mothers are totally sexy. I think that too. I think women should feel and look sexy all the time. I enjoy this blog so much. Adding to my favorites

  36. bmj2k

    Happens to men too. When I was 37, a cute girl told me “I look just like her father” and well, it was a moment to think on.

  37. Really nice post with a great flow between the humour and insight. And I can relate to the topic on a couple of levels. I’m a 57-year-old male and well into the stealth aircraft era of my life, but even at my best I was seldom on anyone’s radar for long. My wife, however (same age) has been a beauty all her life, and despite the fact that people are now starting to come closer to guessing her age (they generally put her in her late 30s, early 40s), I’ve watched the loss of — something — in her life as fewer and fewer young men stop her on the street or try to sidle up to her at parties. I do my best, but that kind of outside validation can, unfortunately, only come from the outside.

    Again, lovely writing.

  38. When I was 28 I went out with a 42 year old French woman, and it was amazing! All those guys flirting under false pretenses don’t know what they’re missing out on. Give me a woman who knows her own mind and knows how to have fun every time. :o)

  39. benchfit

    funny and insightfull! Al around about donuts
    and feeling dazzling.

  40. Yep, I AGREE!!

    Hello, Debra! Count me as another who’d go into Dreamland after seeing the gorgeous lady in the photo above. Your account of fantasy meeting reality truly hits the spot!

    You’ll find even more youth at my blog I am 60 years of age, but I’ve emailed with – and REUNITED! – some of the people in those pages.

    Bookmarked, and…cheers from Ralph!

  41. M ⋅

    very witty and entertaining.

  42. northernartlight ⋅

    too funny…. on the other hand… as a 50 year old.. I consider 40 year old women.. sweet sexy young things.. so its all relative i guess.

  43. There is a line between getting whistled at in a vulgar by construction workers and getting a little boost of confidence when you suspect a bit of flirtation. Sure, soak it up, allow it to make your day and then pass on the happiness.

  44. LOL this was great! We all need assurance that even in our 40s we are still attractive.

  45. Women in their forties ARE SEXY – present company included!

  46. BillyT

    Hi Debra,I really enjoyed this post. Putting aside the guilt factor of relationship inadequacies, to feel desired by another is just an honest human feeling. I especially liked to hear it from a woman. Too many mums have written that nothing is the same after giving birth. While I can see their point, I like to think that things do stay the same, just new things are added; like squishing the past vulnerabilities into the present. But then I’m a guy, a dad with 3, and I don’t ever want to get old. I’m glad you enjoyed that blast from the past feeling.

  47. Laresa

    Isn’t it nice to feel attractive every once in a while? I really enjoyed reading this!

  48. Prudhomme ⋅

    Kudos on a well written post!

  49. “Let me get my flirt on. He’s smiling at me,” I thought, as I asked a young man for his assistance.
    He said, “Follow me sir.”
    “Sir,” I responded, “C’mon now.”
    “Madam, I assure you. Believe me, you do not look like a man.”
    “Yeah, ’cause I looked in the mirror before I left home.”
    “Believe me, it is my mistake.” He smiles and helps me very graciously.

    I know I don’t look like a man. Every woman wants to feel beautiful. My mom helped me to see the light. We sat downtown on a park bench watching people walk by. I saw beautiful young ladies with flat stomachs and the gym look. I said to my mother, “Youth is beautiful.” She said, “We used to look like that. Youth is fleeting.”

    I was in my early 40s then. I’m the first to admit, I don’t see age when I look in my mirror. I have a friend who says, “I don’t want nothing old and that includes money.”

    I passed by a vending machine, took out a dollar and attempted to get a soda. The money was too old. The machine spit it out. I thought about what my friend. With that said, that machine had the wrong mentality:) Though she will disagree with me. She’d say, that machine knows exactly what it wants.

    I like the mind. My man must be intelligent and know how to treat a woman. He must know a woman emotionally. In my opinion, an older man may very well fit my bill. I just want him to take care of himself. Wisdom is more valuable than money—though I appreciate and need money. I said all that to say this: After the kids are in bed, girly up. Then look at yourself in the mirror until you see your beauty or sexy mama.

    Remember, we haven’t always been mothers. The kids will be grown soon, and you will still have to look at you. I’m beautiful because I exist, and so is every woman in the world. Every human being entered this world through a woman. Do you remember how cute you were when you were giving birth? I wasn’t as cute as I am now and I had youth.
    My friends and I are sexy women. Beyoncé and Tina Turner performed together—side by side. Beyoncé is pretty. Who can deny? but Tina Turner is beautiful through my eyes.

  50. erlc11 ⋅

    If it makes you feel any better, you’re a stunning mama in our book and a great writer on top of that. And to prove we don’t all have ulterior motives, I won’t ask for a survey or even link to our blog.

  51. biscuitsandbluejeans ⋅

    This was the funniest thing I’ve read in a very long time! Perhaps because I can so easily relate ha-ha


  52. I’m a young lady, but I can relate; my mother doesn’t want to age at all. And although, I do not have anything in common with this young man, I simply compliment my mother and keep up her good spirits! She truly is a beautiful woman!

  53. Clover Pascoe ⋅

    What great writing. I feel like this already and I’m only 33!

  54. everybodyelsesgirl ⋅

    Seriously awesome! 😉

  55. Sarah

    Brilliant post- it must be if younger people, like myself, can appreciate it. Hilarious.

  56. Slamdunk

    Funny and well written–thanks for the soccer mom insight.

  57. Great read.
    Having hooked up with a MILF myself as a teenager there really is some strangely awesome chemistry that occurs when: (1) an older woman is looking to feel sexy again; (2) and when a young man is willing to expand his horizons.

  58. Good post. Hey, you don’t REALLY know that all he was doing was using you just to fill out the form. Perhaps it was in his vision, but you never know, sometimes young men see a sexy “older” woman and REALLY like what they see; he had the perfect excuse to take a good look. Don’t shortchange yourself – I prefer to think he liked what he saw!

  59. tamirria ⋅

    totally funny… really enjoyed it… But hey you still got some of it!!!

  60. Funny! At least their coffee is supposed to be good.

  61. orwa ⋅

    Yea it is hard to keep young; but it pays to do so

  62. did you check out the website? Maybe it was his personal one and he has left a message there for you…

  63. Songbird ⋅

    I am 41, but feel like 21… now I only wish I also looked abt 20!!….lol!

  64. No matter how old a woman gets, her 60, 70, 80 or 90 year old body will always be wrapped around a sexy, beautiful young woman in her prime. It is just difficult for other people to see her through the outside packaging. Often, you, yourself, will have forgotten that she is there, but she never really goes away. She is just dormant.

  65. liveinnorfolk ⋅

    Brilliant blog. Just love it. A belated happy birthday.


  66. melanirae

    Man, what a depressing post!

  67. Oh, you child you. How much you have yet to learn.

    Women don’t cease to fascinate men because they grow older, they just lose confidence in themselves. I swear to God , nine-year olds still look at my breasts. (Wish I had a camera.)

    I’m 84, honey. I got laid for my 84th birthday … rare, maybe, but not out of the question.

    I shared that on my blog:

  68. उन्मुक्त ⋅

    Happy birthday. Enjoy life smile here and there make it livelier.

  69. This is a beautifully written expression of the mixed view of aging that probably affects most women in the Western world. We have been brought up in a culture that values good looks and youth. The realisation that one’s “prime” does not last forever hurts.

  70. Anna

    Yes, what goes around comes around…but in France a lot of young men are truly into older women; I fight them off… 🙂 and I’m hitting 50! I think it is about how you feel about yourself, there are more gorgeous women 40,50+ out there than ever before…when a young guy flirts, it’s not always to get something.

  71. Your last part is a fine point.

  72. David

    I would have to agree, for sure sexy

  73. Raj783 ⋅

    most guys still find older women sexy who make an attempt to look stylish and feminine. it really isnt a conscious choice, any more than my love of brownies (and other fatty/sugary foods). the male mind is hardwired for attraction to signs of fertility and is looking for that “dopamine rush” 24/7 from whereever it exists.

    im in my 30’s now, but i can remember as far back as my early teens, my friends and i going to the mall and looking at the hot girls – as well as many of the older women (mothers, store workers, etc) – many of whom had no idea at all we found them sexy and were checking them out. yes it’s true, guys of all ages like milfs.

    i laugh when the feminists and others go into long dissertations about “cultural constructs” and so forth as if there is some conscious big conspiracy to hold down older women. societies past and present differ only in the details, not fundamentals. For example, while foods/dishes differ across time and cultures – most people like fatty/sugary foods, most women like masculine, high status men, and most men like feminine beauty (it is a defined quality) as exemplified by youthful/neotenic looks, curvy waist-to-hip ratio, etc. (the plump Marilyn Monroe had similar facial and body ratios to the skinny Twiggy).

    So, if older women want to get noticed it’s not that difficult – just try to look and act feminine and womanly – with a touch of slutt1ness – and this is basically what most guys like to look at and fantasize about. hard to resist really. just like brownies.

  74. Jon ⋅

    It would be great if you opened a Cc:Everybody account ( and give us (your readers) a way of emailing you publicly. This way the work you put into answering those email won’t go to waste in your inbox and we can all read about your views and opinions – what do you say?

  75. Love this post and so true. I’m turning the big *gulps* 4-0 later this year and so feel your pain. Beautifully written, I might add.

  76. Nice ! i loved it. I believe aging is beautiful, a beautiful women will always b beautiful no matter what her age is.

  77. Haha! love this post, everyone of us has those ‘moments’ I guess.

  78. I’m still technically “young” but I’m a married mother of two with a post-baby gut and I dress like a slob while my two girls look like ads for Baby Gap, so I’m always shocked and a little suspicious when a man seems to be flirting with me… few and far between these days, unfortunately!

  79. moiindra

    keep positive thinking mama 🙂

  80. Danielle K. Connall ⋅

    Great post! You are just as beautiful and alive as you think you are!

  81. jstair

    This was a great post! Very real and entertaining!

  82. eviejane

    This is great! I feel too young to be as “old” as I am (laugh lines and all) and it’s nice to see others feel the same 🙂 Now if I could just find Botox for my boobs……

  83. Moranna

    Hey, this ageing process is really the pits, isn’t it?! Your mind is at least 30 years younger than your body, but hey act it or dress like it and you are in for some peculiar looks!

  84. kufknotz ⋅

    great writing loved the story.

  85. bigskylifecoach ⋅

    I so relate to this post! I was carded last month…and I wanted to kiss the cashier…until I heard him ask the 80 year old lady behind me with the bottle of wine for her ID too.
    Oh, forty something. I feel your pain, and your joy:)

  86. This made my day. You’re hilarious. 🙂

  87. Pingback: 2 June 2010 (am) « blueollie

  88. nrhatch

    Great post. And timely too . . . June 4th is National Donut Day and DD is giving away free donuts!

  89. Fabulous post. I too have had the same thing happen to me. I envision myself as when I was 22, not in my mid-thirties, married for 8 years and post-baby body…

  90. jenn23ifer ⋅

    lmao!… you have to give the boy props for trying! that was a clever little devil. stepping up to a woman twice his age and givin her a little of the “little mans devilish grin”… hey you didnt have to answer anything, you got some young love for free… talk about that little extra… lol

  91. oh no….now i must question everyones motive…lol


  92. Hi, with the abundance of crappy blogs around the net, it’s great to see that there are still some filled with quality content! Is there any way I can be alerted when you post a new article? thank you! inscrieri manuale in directoare

    • gettrich ⋅

      Thanks for the kind words. Just click on the subscribe button on the homepage of my blog and the minute I post, you’ll get the blog sent to your mailbox!

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