A letter to unappreciated mamas everywhere

What moms are really thinking on Mother's Day

Hello, I am Debra’s husband. In honor of Mother’s Day, I am giving Debra the day off by writing her column.

Regular readers of this blog may wonder how much of the outrageousness she writes about is true. Well, living with her is a little like living in a sitcom with Laura Petrie. Funny thing is, if we used her escapades in a movie or TV show, they would say it’s too unrealistic to be believed.

Debra is the most open, kind wonderful person someone could ever meet. What you read is who she is. She has a remarkable gift to allow others to see her naked essence with all her flaws. No defensive barriers. No tweaking or manipulation to present better. The problem is that, due to her personality dysmorphia, her true talents as a mother may be masked to those who don’t really know her.

She is a fabulous mom. She is loving, caring, playful and supportive. She connects with my boys on their level, but still maintains their respect as a protector and mentor.

As you all know, nobody wears as many hats as a mother. It is unfair to ask one person to be good in as many incongruous areas as we ask a mother to be. Debra does this as well as anyone I know. Like all people she does have her weaker areas, usually in the more administrative tasks like scheduling and planning. But this is more than made up for in the relationships she has developed and fostered with our kids and the ways in which she guides them to discover their deeper meaning, purpose and passions.

My children are blessed to have such a wonderful, nontraditional mother. My older son, Levi, has her gift for language. Like her, he has a remarkable ability to tap into an emotional whirlwind of thoughts and ideas and transform them into a clear picture of words and phrases. The little one, Eli, has her artistic ability to separate from all else in the world, being intensely in the moment in whatever game his mind has created.

While there is a definite genetic component, these traits have developed due to her imprinting on them through examples and interactions. She is giving the boys the best gift a mother can give, the tools and confidence to become happy successful adults.

I think she is a truly amazing mother and all around person. I thank you for allowing me to share a little bit of my vision of Debra. To my extraordinary wife and all you underappreciated mothers, thank you so much for all you do. The world is a much better place due to you. Have a Happy Mother’s Day.

Truth or denial

My six year old son, who happens to be what we in the mom profession call a “triple threat;” smart, willful and extremely manipulative, told his teacher the reason he misbehaves is because his body wont do what his brain asks of him. This response set off a flury of attention. “Children don’t say things like that unless there is something very wrong.” They advised nervously.

I’m not living in denial or unwilling to see my kid’s flaws. Honestly, I’m such an obsessively self-analytical creature (which extends to my offspring as well), that I think I’m the first person to point out and try to fix their imperfections. But his teachers see his disruptive behavior and subsequent brain/body response as proof of some serious psychological impairment. They want me to have a full neuro-psych evaluation – only $1500 (not that money matters when you’re talking about your kids). I said in his defense, “Look, he probably heard someone say that. He says a lot of weird stuff.”

“Well,” counseled the experts, “Most 6 year old boys do not say a lot of weird stuff.”

Do you ever feel like you just can’t win?